8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
