Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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