I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
