His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
