What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
