every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
