It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
