she looked like the before picture.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
