my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When are your genitals available?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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