i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
