My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
