Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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