I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
