Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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