Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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