so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
