hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
