im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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