I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
