She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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