im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
