Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
