Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
