oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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