your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
