Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
