So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We were destined to go to rehab together
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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