I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
