I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
