3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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