is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I deserve this hangover.
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