Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
