It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
