I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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