nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
