my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
