if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just google imaged poop.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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