Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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