i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
