my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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