She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize