It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
