you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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