I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
