I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
