she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
