When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
