If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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