Too much gin, very little bucket
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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