Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
