Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
