I cannot find my penis.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize