also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
