Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
