I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
