Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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