I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
