She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
