So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
