It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
