New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
