maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
