so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
