Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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