If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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