the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
