There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
