Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
