this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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