just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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