Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize