i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
