Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
